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Cold Turkey
"Cold Turkey" 'is an episode from the second season of Bump in the Night. (Aired on November 18, 1995) Plot The episode starts in the kitchen; with Mr. Bumpy being heard off-screen yodeling out loud. It then shows Mr Bumpy yodeling, with Squishington climbing up the refrigerator, as if they are mountain climbing. Bumpy tells Squish they are almost to the top, and he told him it would be an easy climb; Squish is tired and says that practice does make perfect. Bumpy reaches the top of the fridge and admires the view and says he can see the dam from here. Squish is exhausted and says it is a pretty long way for a snack and Bumpy pulls him up onto the fridge. Bumpy’s stomach then begins to rumble loudly and starts trembling like an earthquake. Bumpy then says that his tummy has been growling for something special, Squish then says that Bumpy's tummy grumble set off every car alarm on the block. Bumpy's stomach roars again and car alarms are heard in the background. Bumpy then declares that it's time for a special treat a "clogged drain hair and toe nail sundae". He licks his lips and pulls out a brown paper bag with the hair and toe nail clippings, he then says that all he needs is the ice cream. Both Squish and Bumpy try to push the freezer door open, Squish ask Mr Bumpy what does a "clogged drain hair and toe nail sundae" taste like, Bumpy then says it taste like a "scoop of rocky road over a doctor boil's foot support, only crunchier of course." Mr Bumpy and Squish push the freezer door open and realize that it is completely frozen over. Squish sees that they are frozen out, but Bumpy doesn't want to give up saying that he won't let a big of frozen water get between him and a toenail sundae. He then climbs behind the fridge and pulls out the plug, he then turns to the viewers and tells them to always follow the manufacturers recommendations when defrosting. Bumpy then climbs up the fridge again and pulls out a hair dryer and pretends to be an action film star. Mr Bumpy is turned upside down and tries to thaw out the freezer with the hair drier, Bumpy says that the ice is as thick as a brick. Bumpy then turns up the heat and the ice begins to melt. Squish is holding Mr Bumpy by the ankles and ask if they should file an environmental impact report. Mr Bumpy then looks inside the defrosted freezer, and claims there is a wooly mammoth frozen inside. It is revealed to be a frozen Turkey. Squish then ask Mr Bumpy doesn't he recognize a turkey when he see's one. Mr Bumpy then turns to face the viewers and says that Squish is the best comedic straight man on T.V. Bumpy then delivers the punchline and says "Sure, there is one holding my feet" and starts laughing at his corny joke, implying that Squish is a turkey. Squish pulls up Mr Bumpy and he is holding a container of pistachio ice cream, they open up the container but it is revealed that the ice cream has melted into "pistachio soup". Bumpy angrily says "what dummy let the ice cream melt?" Then Squishington hears a strange "gobble gobble" sound, the headless frozen turkey then starts coming to life and slowly begins to move. Squish panics and tells Bumpy that the turkey is breathing, Bumpy ignores him and claims "that bird's goose is cooked." Squish then tells Bumpy that he saw a movie where a caveman came back to life after being frozen for a "gabillion years." Bumpy then says that a "gabillion years" is one thing but being "plucked" is another. The Turkey then comes alive and starts to stand up, Squish cries out "It's alive" then the headless turkey leaps out of the fridge and escapes. The Turkey stands up and disappears down the hallway, Bumpy thinks it is cool and says "snacks and a show." Squish then says it is terrible, and says that The Boy won't have a turkey dinner for the holidays. Bumpy then decides that they have to hunt the bird down and bring him back alive, or what ever state it was. The scene cuts to Mr Bumpy walking down the hallway searching for the Turkey. Bumpy is armed with a turkey baster and a cooking thermometer, Squish follows behind him wearing white turkey feet cups on his hair petals. Bumpy starts sniffing at the ground like a tracking dog, he then starts howling, Squish ask if Mr Bumpy got something, while Bumpy says that he has rug burns. The Turkey waddles down the hallway, and Squish says they should use bait to catch him. Bumpy then says that he knows a turkey call, Bumpy then starts talking like a woman receptionist on an intercom saying "paging Mr Turkey", telling him to come to the nearest phone. The Turkey hears the call, and Bumpy and Squish goes off to hide. The Turkey peeks around the corner and finds a white telephone, he looks around to see if it's safe, then he starts tip-toeing to the phone. The Turkey picks up the phone and tries talking to it, Bumpy's voice is heard from the phone, then Bumpy appears with the turkey baster telling him that his time is up. Bumpy then squeezes the baster and yellow liquid gushes out, the Turkey is shot with the yellow liquid and then runs away. Bumpy observes the turkey baster and says that his best shot didn't work. Squish examines the yellow liquid and thinks it is funny colored gravy. Bumpy tells Squish that it isn't gravy, it was apple sauce. Squish then snatches the turkey baster from Bumpy and tells him that any fool knows that Turkey goes best with cranberry. Meanwhile, in the Boy's bedroom, the Turkey is heard gobbling inside. Squish and Mr Bumpy enter the room, Bumpy tells Squish to be careful and that Turkeys are more dangerous when they are cornered. Squish is worried and ask Bumpy what would the Turkey do to them, Bumpy then starts to imagine of things that the turkey would do. Bumpy first says that the Turkey could peck them with it's razor sharp beak, Squish then points out that it doesn't have a razor sharp beak or a beak at all. Bumpy then says it could scratch them with it's deadly talons but Squish then says it has no talons either. Bumpy then guesses that it could tickle them with it's tail feathers, Squish then responds "nope" as the Turkey doesn't have any feathers. Squish and Bumpy then start pacing, then Bumpy ask what would the Turkey do to them, Squish then guesses that it could push a heavy object off the dresser and squash them flatter than a tortilla. Bumpy then says that the Turkey needs brains to do that and he doesn't even have them. Before Bumpy can finish his sentence, he looks up and it shows the Turkey standing on the dresser pushing a large heavy anvil. Mr Bumpy utters "Uh-Oh" and the Turkey pushes the large anvil onto the unlucky duo. Squishington and Bumpy both start screaming and freaking out. The two friends cower together and Bumpy pulls out a tiny pink umbrella and holds it over their heads. The anvil lands on top of them and they are both squashed. Bumpy's muffled voice is heard under the anvil and he says "you know, all things considered, that bird has quite a head on his shoulders." Later in the bathroom, Squishington and Bumpy are sitting in a cardboard box, while Bumpy is holding on to a container of dental floss, using it as a rope to catch the turkey. The unsuspecting Turkey waddles into the room and it's stand over the loop of dental floss. Squish cries out "Now Mr Bumpy," he pulls onto the rope and the Turkey's leg is caught in the lasso. The Turkey then starts to panic and runs away, Bumpy tells Squish to hold fasten his seat belts and they are going for a ride. The cardboard box is pulled away and Bumpy and Squish scream. The duo are dragged down the hallway, smacking into the walls, they are pulled into the Boy's room and start spinning rapidly around the table leg. They are then dragged under the bed, spinning around the bed legs, then they are pulled into the dressers and come out of the top dresser. They start spinning around the table leg again, then they are taken out of the Boy's room and start tumbling all the way down the stairs. They are then hauled up the book shelf like a roller coaster, Squish then says he can't look and covers his eyes. They are then pulled across the shelf knocking down various sharp objects, including a star shaped thing and a stuffed puffer-fish. They then fall off the shelf and head between two stands, Bumpy and Squish smack into the poles and the Turkey appears. The Turkey, still with the dental floss tied to him, starts circling around the duo, tying them up to the poles. Bumpy says that the Turkey is gutsy and Squish replies that he is certainly no chicken. Back in the Boy's room, Mr Bumpy is still searching for the Turkey but he doesn't see him anywhere. It then shows the duo hiding behind a pile of junk, with Mr Bumpy looking through binoculars, wearing shoulder pads and a football helmet over his eyes, while Squish is wearing a mug on his head and holding a toilet plunger. Squish then says that they looked everywhere else, and it couldn't have vanished into thin air. They both pause, considering it might be possible. They both look up and it shows the Turkey flying up on the ceiling, going around in circles. Squish then says this is impossible and turkey's cant fly, Bumpy then says to Squish to tell that to the Turkey. Bumpy's eyes follow the turkey around, twisting his eye stalks, he then pulls them apart spinning them the other way. Squish then dashes off and returns with an encyclopedia, he looks up the word "turkey", he skims though the facts and finds the information he was looking for. Squish then reads out loud that the domestic Turkey is "aerodynamically incapable of flight." Squish then starts shouting out to the airborne Turkey that "Turkeys can't fly." The Turkey hears Squish below and Squish shouts out "The encyclopedia does not lie," the Turkey then flaps his wings slower. Squish repeats "Turkey's can't fly", the Turkey then starts to putter like a broken car and he loses the ability to stay airborne. The Turkey falls to the floor, Mr Bumpy then jumps onto the turkey wearing a cowboy hat and cries out "Yee-Haw!" The Turkey then starts jumping like a bucking bronco, while Bumpy rides the wild turkey. The Turkey continues jumping and bucking, Squish cheers for Buckaroo Bumpy, the Turkey eventually tires and begins to calm down. Cowboy Bumpy has tamed the Turkey and begins to ride over to Squish, Bumpy tells the turkey to "whoa" and then says he is ready to go back to the freezer. Squish starts petting the calm Turkey, he then congratulates Bumpy for knocking the stuffing out of the turkey. Later in the Kitchen, it shows Squish and Bumpy riding the Turkey, while Bumpy has a sad look on his face. Squish ask Bumpy why did he stopped, Bumpy climbs down from the Turkey and he says he doesn't have the heart to put the turkey back into the freezer. Squish climbs off the Turkey and ask Bumpy why not, the friendly Turkey starts to nuzzle Bumpy and whinnies like a horse. Bumpy has grown fond of the Turkey, saying he is no ordinary bird, and he has the heart of a lion, Squish then adds "and the giblets too." Bumpy then bounces over to the door, he lifts up the pet door and says the Turkey has earned his freedom. Sad violin music begins to play, the Turkey is unsure what to do and Squish tries to shoo him away. The Turkey then scampers to the door while Bumpy is looking gloomy. The Turkey then picks up Bumpy and gives him a big hug, Bumpy then pats the Turkey on the back. Squish is also touched by the sentimental moment and burst into tears. The Turkey drops Bumpy and waves goodbye to Squish with his wing. Squish then waves back and sadly pulls out a tissue. The Turkey then jumps through the pet door and disappears forever, Bumpy tells the Turkey to live long a prosper, the heartbroken monster then pulls out a tissue and blows his nose. Squish then blows his tissue and sadly wipes his nose. Squish then ask Mr Bumpy where will the Turkey go and what would he do. Bumpy then says it's a big city and there are thousands of jobs waiting to be filled by a turkey. The duo begin to walk out of the kitchen together, Bumpy then claims that maybe if the Turkey can tie a neck tie, they all may be working for him someday, and the episode ends. Trivia * When Squishington opens up the freezer, he says "The Iceman Cometh", which is a name of a play written by Eugene O'Neill in 1939. * Mr Bumpy says it will be a cold day in "Helsinki", this has double meaning as it sounds like Bumpy was about to swear and Helsinki is the capital and the largest city in Finland. * When Mr Bumpy is climbing down behind the fridge, his climbing parallels to the scene in animated film "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" when the Grinch is climbing down the chimney and gets stuck. * When Mr Bumpy pulls out the hair drier like a gun he does an impression of action film star, ''Arnold Schwarzenegger. * When the Turkey comes to life, Squishington says "It's Alive!" which is a famous film quote from the 1931 movie "Frankenstein." * When Mr Bumpy and Squish are hunting the turkey, the musical score plays "A hunting we will go." * '''Goof: When Bumpy was sniffing at the ground he claimed he got rug burns, but there isn't any rug, he is sniffing at a wood floor. * When Mr Bumpy says farewell to the Turkey, he says "Live long and prosper" and he does the vulcan salute, which is a hand gesture popularized by the 1960s television series Star Trek. * At the end of the episode, Squishington says "Oh Mr Bumpy, Where will he go, what will he do?" Squish is paraphrasing the quote from the 1939 film Gone with the Wind. Quotes Squish: The iceman must have cometh, Mr Bumpy. We're frozen out... Mr Bumpy: Bump that noise! It will be a cold day in Helsinki before I let a bit of hard water get between me and a toe nail sundae! Mr Bumpy: (unplugging the fridge) Always follow the manufacturers recommendations when defrosting. Mr Bumpy: (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) Eh. Let's make some H2O! Whoa. Mr Bumpy: Ooh, there’s a woolly mammoth frozen in here! Squishington: Oh, don’t you recognize a turkey when you see one, Mr Bumpy? Mr Bumpy: (turns to face the viewer) He’s the greatest straight man on T.V…. (delivers the punch line) Sure! And there is one holding my feet! Haw! Haw! Haw! Mr Bumpy: Look at that Turkey trot. Cool, snacks and a show. Squishington: Oh, this is terrible. What kind of holiday will the boy have without a turkey dinner, Mr Bumpy? Mr Bumpy: Haven't thought of that one. We better hunt that bird down! And bring him back alive... Or whatever state it was... never mind. Mr Bumpy: Man, he took my best shot and scooted. Squishington: That was funny looking colored gravy. Mr Bumpy: It wasn't gravy. It was apple sauce! Squishington: Gimmie that! (takes the turkey baster from Bumpy) Apple Sauce?! Mr Bumpy! Any fool knows that Turkey goes down with cranberry! Mr Bumpy: This is one gusty gobbler. Squishington: '''He is certainly no chicken! '''Mr Bumpy: Turkey! 12 O’clock high! Squishington: Oh this is impossible, Turkey’s can’t fly. Mr Bumpy: Tell HIM that! Squishington: (reading encyclopedia) T- Turban, Turbine, Turk- Oh here it is, Turkey. Let me see… member of the pheasant family, na-na-na-da-ya-ya. Native to America, know that already. Light meat or dark… Ah, here it is! “Bred for maximum weight the domesticated turkey is aerodynamically incapable of flight!” Ergo… TURKEYS CAN’T FLY! THE ENCYCLOPEDIA DOES NOT LIE! … TURKEYS CAN’T FLY! Mr Bumpy: This is no ordinary turkey... why this bird has the heart of a LION! (Turkey meows) Squishington: Yes... And the giblets too. Mr Bumpy: So you've earned your freedom. Get outta here you big galoot! Mr Bumpy: Live long and prosper, my flash frozen friend.... (blows his nose with a tissue) Squishington: (blows his nose) ''Oh Mr Bumpy, Where will he go, what will he do? '''Mr Bumpy:' Well, this is a big city... There are thousands of jobs just waiting to be filled by a Turkey. Think if he learned how to tie a neck tie, we all may be working for him someday. 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